“Love wins!” touted the rainbow-framed profile pictures of supportive suburban moms on Facebook after gay marriage became the law of the land in June 2015. “Gucci’s new pride-themed sneakers are every fashion queen’s dream come true,” wrote fashion blogs in 2017 when Gucci released a rainbow platform sneaker priced at one thousand dollars. “Did you hear Rupaul’s show won a bunch of Emmys?” my parents asked me last month.
On one hand, I’m happy to see the increasing enthusiasm many straight people have towards what they perceive to be LGBTQ people and culture. But on the other hand, my news feeds do not look like theirs. While my mother sees news about Drag Race winning an Emmy or the first openly gay cabinet member or the first Netflix show starring a transgender actor, I am hearing about my friend’s boss who just died from a GHB overdose on Fire Island. I’m being offered meth by men on Grindr who I’ve never spoken to. I’m walking on eggshells trying to meet a guy who won’t be turned off by my painted nails, because -- despite what Queer Eye advertises -- it’s a known fact that femininity makes it nearly impossible to date in the gay community.
In my gay identity, I’m concerned with a growing sense of disconnect between my lived reality and how my community is seen and represented (or misrepresented) to the straight public.
There’s lots of discourse among LGBTQ people around the legalization of gay marriage. For many in the United States, there was a profound attitude shift towards queer people after Obergefell v. Hodges. It was a win for the community and the allies who had been fighting for us. Many fence-sitters leaned into the support and embraced the flowery rainbow messaging that began popping up in every storefront each June. Opposition to marriage equality has continued to fall out of favor in the U.S., down from 60% in 2004 to 31% last year. Queer people -- mostly cis gay men -- have higher, more open representation in entertainment media than ever before.
Left behind in this facade of acceptance are the issues that haven’t gone away.
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